ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
some people are built
to keep things inside: like mice
in the night, they steal nestings--
a small omission, an equivocation
and an obfuscation
to secure secrets in their breasts;
but i am a walking revelation--
truths burst from my frame
and scatter their seeds
over my loved ones
(that's why it's so hard not telling you
i am borrowing against a future
and the interest rates are higher
than the payoff)
to keep things inside: like mice
in the night, they steal nestings--
a small omission, an equivocation
and an obfuscation
to secure secrets in their breasts;
but i am a walking revelation--
truths burst from my frame
and scatter their seeds
over my loved ones
(that's why it's so hard not telling you
i am borrowing against a future
and the interest rates are higher
than the payoff)
Day 14 of NaPoWriMo, based on a prompt over at NaPoWriMo. (See thumb.)
Title reference is from a place called Cash Converters that do short term loans at exorbitant prices. We borrowed $600 from them (we had no other option at the time except leaving a vehicle in storage that was costing $50 a day) and the interest rate alone was $400.
Title reference is from a place called Cash Converters that do short term loans at exorbitant prices. We borrowed $600 from them (we had no other option at the time except leaving a vehicle in storage that was costing $50 a day) and the interest rate alone was $400.
Week 2 Prompts!
Welcome to Week 2! I hope your first Week of NapoWriMo has been going well
Quick Reminder: The gallery folder for week 2 should be open as of tonight for you to submit your poems for days 8-14! Please don't forget to include the day/number in your author's description as well as indicating that it's for NaPoWriMo.
Also:
1. We do not accept any deviations that have more than one poem/day at once. I know many of you don't want to spam your followers, but we have come across deviations that have over a weeks worth of poems in one sitting. Which would make it annoying to figure out where to put it. So, unfortunately those types of deviations will not be accepted.
Also, we're still looking for prize donations for the winner's pool! Anything from points, comments, llamas, features, etc. are very welcome, so send a note over to Medoriko if you'd like to donate. Here is the update of prizes:
Comments and Feature from Medoriko and TheWritersMeow
Feature from :d
Comments4
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Overall
Vision Originality Technique
ImpactSo I had a mixed feeling after first reading your paper. I felt like the first two sections were really well done. But the thing that bothers me the most about your poem is the last section. With free verse, punctuation isn't really necessary unless it is used to better contain a feeling. Aside from that I felt that your last paragraph was really out of place. The only thing that it really related to was the title. Your poem would have left a lasting impression if you chose another section to end it. Aside from that I thought that this was a lovely poem.