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About Varied / Hobbyist Premium Member DawniFemale/Australia Groups :iconnahaiwrimo: NaHaiWriMo
 
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Daily Deviations:
your teeth leave different scarswhat they didn't tell me--
the amnesiac is
61.8% water &
on watching the night
close its eyes on you,
I only know beauty;
maybe Anne Sexton was onto something
& for the woman shamed,
arise and breathe. Seabones
with taciturn eyes
after we lost him:
mermaid thirst for
cruelest love.
Your virginity is like an envelope,
a lover's observations on
post-it notes, cupping rice
always, and always.

August 31, 2013

Daily Lit Deviations during 2014
I Am More Than BPDDon't tell me you know me better
than the people who've known me
for years. I know me too, and I know
to trust them with my sanity.
Don't tell me I don't need the hospital--
I wouldn't be here
if I didn't need the hospital. This is not
a playground and I am not
stupid. My emotional appendix
has burst and reality
tastes of copper; don't tell me
this is just
attention seeking.
All requests for help
involve seeking attention.
The patient whose leg is broken
screams for pain killers
but I am only kneeling
and asking you to help me
stay alive.
Don't tell me I am being irrational
when you are basing this
on a label only.
I am capable of great rationality:
I can begin by debating this
without calling you an asshole.
Flip the table -- call the burn victim
irrational, and I think you'll find
more volativity.
Listen when my supporters tell you
that I am sunshine
poured over candy
-- they are telling you
this is not me. Hear us:
I am bubbled laughter,
naivety and gentleness--
I do art and beauty

(March 13, 2014)

Daily Lit Deviations during 2013
Your Non-Existent CompetitionMy fingers hover over numbers I have not needed to think about for years, and I urge myself to make the call. Still hesitant, I pick out the digits that still translate to "home" in my mobile, though for years it has been only a house; sometimes mine, sometimes not. It rings once and I hang up, then try again and again and again. Third time might be the charm, but today it takes five of these hang ups before I stay on the line.
"Sorry," I say, knowing I don't sound very convincing but banking on the notoriously bad reception we get here to tick it over into believeable. "Sorry. I bet you got about a billion missed calls. My 'phone kept cutting out, you know what it's like." I laugh, an awkward bark that explodes from my mouth like our terrier chasing a cat, and she seems to accept it at face value. "Anyway, happy birthday, hey!"
She thanks me and we meander through the pleasantries she initiates, an elaborate dance of lies we move through every so often. We talk of cheap shops and craf
(we all are the) monarchwe are not born noble.
instead, we are thrust out
squalling and naked,
feather-dust fur instead of wings
and crowns built of flesh & bone.
still,
as the caterpillar into her chrysalis
we begin lowly that we may grow.

(November 17, October 13)

I Am Not Your ReceptacleI am not your receptacle,
not your Grand Canyon
to feed with the echoes
you hunger for.
See me!
I wear a three o'clock shadow,
and vodka stained walls
starved of the things
you're asking for.
See me! See the person-
I am not your echoing chasm!
See me!
You cannot pour juice
from an empty jug.

(January 30)

Artist Reviews & Compliments

(aka, people say really nice things about me and I don't want to ever forget them):

bloodawni is an incredible ray of sunshine. Regardless of the hardships she has confronted and continues to take charge of, she manages to bring smiles to the faces of so many and brightens our lives just by being here. On top of all this, she has an intensely breathtaking poetic style that holds audiences captive, and strikes straight at the heart.
Great work, Dawni. Please don't ever give up on your dreams.
-- by a wonderful deviant who chose to remain anonymous -- dACompliments.

You are a bundle of wonder and goodness. Whenever I see you doing something it's with determination and love. You are bounding and exuding such a positive, lovely energy that is truly remarkable. We've only just started to get to know each other, but I all ready know that you are an amazing person who strives to help others. ♥ -- by the beautiful and amazing IrrevocableFate.

bloodawni has always been a really kind and caring person, on top of being really talented with such moving and inspiring poems. Just as inspiring is the strength and determination to carry on in life rather than get her down. Even in her 'down' moments, she never gives up and never lets its affect her optimistic side, something which takes courage as well as strength.
Thank you for being such a wonderful and inspiring friend :hug: Keep up the good work
-- by a wonderful deviant who chose to remain anonymous -- dACompliments.

*bloodawni is a talented and modest individual with a heart of gold. -- by a wonderful deviant who chose to remain anonymous -- dACompliments.

*bloodawni is one of the kindest and bravest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. On top of which, she is incredibly talented! Definitely a deviant you should know. :heart: -- by the lovely RiseandBe

"~bloodawni, while a fairly new addition to my own watch list, has ensnared me in the beauty of her words and left me wanting--needing--more. There's a sense of real life to her pieces that is bound to leave readers breathless; the emotions pouring from each word is enough to knock a reader over and make it hard to get back up until the end. With a kind heart and an enthusiasm for participation that can't be beat, ~bloodawni is one deviant you should definitely keep an eye on!" -- by the beautiful TwilightPoetess

Dawniface, you are one of my favorite people here on deviantART. You have so much strength, courage, and love in your heart. You are such a beautiful person and your poetry is almost as good as your pure heart. But, not a lot of things compare to your loving spirit, lovely Dawni. You are an amazing person and I love you. :heart: You inspire me to give more love everyday. :love: -- by the wonderful chromeantennae

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Dawni
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Australia


I've written this several times, apparently writing about myself is difficult. ;) I caved and asked my partner to help.

30s -- female -- Aussie (Caboolture, Queensland) -- defacto -- diagnosed with mental illness -- mother to 2 butterfly children -- crazy/weird/'special' (not to be confused with the aforementioned mental illness) -- cheerful -- loving -- cheeky -- friendly.


Stamped:

Mental health awareness stamp by Superspud Prevent Child Abuse by A-Sent-Miracle ++ Self-Injury - Stamp by dimruthien ++ BPD Awareness by dimruthien
TWLOHA Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Stop Domestic Violence by f0rtunatef00l PTSD stamp by shadowlight-oak Mother of angels - stamp by xpekalx
Pregnancy-N-Infant Loss Month by jenepooh Stamp: Love Commenters by Flame-of-the-Phoenix Love Stamp by Kezzi-Rose STAMP: Giraffes by zungzwang
TARDIS Stamp by Kezzi-Rose I Foster Animals: Stamp by bloodawni Reply Comments Stamp by Mirz123 DA compliments stamp,updated and animated! by tea-cup-duck
I support BurdenedHearts by BloodshotInk Calendar Project Stamp by ginkgografix


I believe in a llama for a llama, but I don't watch people simply because they're watching me & I don't do fav-for-fav trades. Please don't feel obliged to fav my work or watch me just because I gave you a random llama/fav/comment/whatnot. Fav or watch me because you like my work by all means, though! :)
Interests

Is anyone super familiar with DA's policy on "pornographic literature" and how it relates to child abuse? 

63%
5 deviants said (I have contacted the help desk team, but I don't expect to receive an answer anytime soon.)
25%
2 deviants said I wrote up my first piece for the 100 memories project...
13%
1 deviant said From my very basic understanding without further elaboration, it's very much a shutdown on art around childhood sexual assault-- which just isn't cool.
0%
No deviants said then realised I probably can't share it because of DA's policy.
0%
No deviants said Thoughts? Advice? Other places where it would be appropriate to share actual memories, in proper literature form?
Heading towards the halfway point of FFM (features) now! Here's days 13, 14 & 15.

The Bronze Knight and the Angel    In a time before coal or steam, when magic moved the tide and turned the heavens, there was a golden tree, guarded by an angel with a sword of fire. No ordinary tree was this, for it had sprouted from a pip spat by a god. Upon the tree grew a single emerald apple, and whosoever ate this apple would gain eternal life: this was why the angel was set out to guard it, for the gods are jealous, and will not suffer any man to have eternal life.
    But as gods are jealous, so is man ambitious, and many heroes came to try and take the apple for themselves. One such hero was the bronze knight, and the angel saw well his burnished armour as he crested the first hill. Seeing this, the angel took up his bow and loosed a volley of arrows, each one tipped with serpents’ teeth. But the knight was unharmed, for his armour was Virtue, which serves well any who choose to wear it.
    As the knight crested the second hill, the angel t
  HeliopauseThe curse did not shake within her.  It had fallen into her slowly, and by the third day after it had happened, she had forgotten to fear it.
And sometimes, the world around her forgot something too - like a candle, or a pillow, or her feeling of pain after falling.  She was a walking disappearance, and she would have to learn to control it.  
So she left the only home she’d known.  Her regret was small but alive, and she wondered if it would be enough to keep her warm.
It did not, but the void that rested just beyond her periphery was familiar as a bedroom.
  Phoebe and the RainOn a hill, in the shade of a tree, Phoebe and her family were enjoying a picnic. As they ate, the clouds above them grew grey and bad-tempered, and when the first drop of rain tapped the back of Dad's hand, he decided it was time to go home. They gathered up the food, folded up the blanket, and packed everything away.
As they started to walk, the drips turned to drizzle. Phoebe saw the big brown cows all sitting down together, grazing on the grass that grew in tufts all around them.
“Look at the cows!” she said. “They're sitting down and eating, even though it's rainy. Maybe we should be like them and finish our picnic.”
“I'd really rather get home, Phoebe,” said Mum, cleaning the rain off her glasses.
They followed the trail down the hill, taking the rough, sandy steps into the woods. The trees stretched out over them like an umbrella, and Phoebe could hear the rain tapping on their leaves. In the bushes, she spied a blackbird in a nest full of brig

First FlightCael leaned forward taking in slow deep breaths. He could smell the rich scents of leather and sweat mixed with the cool tang of heavy steel. He closed his eyes and raised his head to the sky, feeling the sun bright against his eyelids. He’d waited months for this moment, for the chance to feel the world vanish into the clouds and his heart was pounding in excitement.
They had left the stables and were waiting in the middle of the large paddock to the rear of the guard’s tower. The long grass swayed gently in the wind, whispering around his dragon’s legs. There were two other people with Cael; one was another recruit, Cillian the injured soldier, and the other was their Flying Master; Aela. She was slim and lithe and she sat astride her dragon like she had been born on it. Her thick blonde hair was pulled back in a tight braid and her pale eyes watched Cael and the other recruit carefully.
“Follow me,” she said with the hint of a smile and she nudged her d
  ruby (FFM 14)Ruby's name suited her perfectly; she was a semi-precious gem with delusions of grandeur. At least, that's what Ben tried to tell himself, after she left.
She left him two weeks after he put everything aside for her. He'd cancelled the tickets to England, got his deposits back on the apartment and the moped. He'd even managed to get a few refunds. He wanted to travel so badly, needed to escape the town he'd grown up in. But he loved her more than he needed escape, so he stayed. And two weeks later, she quietly packed her things into bags, the photographs, the heady romance novels, the patterned cutlery. She methodically stripped their tiny apartment, and she left. Very little fuss, very few words. One day she was there and they were happy, the next there was only emptiness.
Ben hadn't ever really felt much, before. So many years he'd spent in the shadow of his family, staying quiet and unnoticed and unwanted. When he met Ruby, it was like someone had finally turned on the light switch
  Lights OutThe lights went out on Earth about a year after the resources dried up. The fossil fuels were the first to go, the Steam Age had taken them out long ago. The renewables fared slightly better, holding out a few more years before failing too. Turns out they weren’t as reliable as once thought: after the majority of the population became obese and permanently motorised, and younger generations swapped hands on mechanics for online pursuits there was no hope. Not that internet interests were any use now, not since the power went. It was as if Earth’s trip switch had flipped, and people were unable to get up to push it back, let alone locate it.
Some people had turned to crackpot schemes of hoarding potatoes in an attempt to charge and power batteries, but to little avail. In a matter of weeks, the Black Market became rife with candles, matches, thick fur coats and coveted lighters. Libraries were a thing of the past, once houses of learning and enjoyment they were stripp

The Dentist and the Dragon    Njall made his way up the side of the mountain and cursed his village elders. While they sat snug and warm in their houses, he was forced to endure the cold and the wind and the rain. And soon, he’d be face to face with a dragon.
    This was a job that should have been given to a real warrior, but the elders had argued that with the raiding season well underway, the village needed all the warriors they had to defend against possible invaders. Njall scowled. They could at least have given him a sword. His dentist tools wouldn’t be much use against a giant, fire-breathing lizard.
    The cave came into view as he rounded a bend in the path. A steady trail of smoke told him the dragon was at home. That was unfortunate for Njall. He had hoped the dragon wouldn’t be home
    The dragon hadn’t been seen in a week. The elders mused that perhaps dragons slept through the winter. An ear-splitting shriek put that theory right t
  OvalIn this world, there was an oval of flesh missing on the girl’s ankle because she accidentally swiped too low and cut herself shaving.
In another world, there was an oval of flesh missing at her heel as punishment from running from a would-be groom and an altar she hadn’t chosen.
In another, two ovals of flesh were missing on either side of her ankles as punishment for stealing jewelry and hiding it wrapped around her ankles under clothing.
In another one oval of flesh was missing because the first step to cutting ties with her second family was cutting the tattoo from her flesh.
In one more, the flesh had been rubbed raw by the one shackle so many times that one misshapen oval scar of bright pink, smooth flesh was leftover, ready to chafe again.
In another, the oval was a bruise that was met with more smiles and laughs than the accident’s sting.
In another, the foot was gone entirely, and hollow half-ovals haunted the girl’s eyes at the thought of “infect
  Punctuation“I thought full stop didn’t feel like going because of her period,” whispered hyphen.
“Oh, no,” said semicolon, “that’s not full stop; that’s dot, one of the ellipsis sisters.”
Well, considered hyphen as he prepared to dash off, it had been a confusing story but now it seemed he’d be able to join the dots...

monkey on her back (FFM 15)The reflection in the mirror meets her gaze with a steely resolve, mocking every piece of determination she can muster, scrutinising and measuring and clearly finding her unworthy; she tears her eyes from the mirror in a flurry of refusal and (finally) defiance, today she is making the change, from today forward she will see no evil.
She no longer keeps mirrors around the house, in fact she avoids reflective surfaces altogether, but still the reflection haunts her senses, attacking her ears now that she's closed her eyes; "you are worthless, you are unwanted, you will never be fulfilled" over and over until it is all she can do to keep from self-destructing then and there on the spot, but she will be stronger, she must be stronger and so she covers her ears with her hands and she refuses to listen to the vitriol, she must hear no evil.
And yet, although she has closed her ears to her malicious mirrored self, her lips are still moving, repeating the wo
  Red, Yellow, and BlueToo poor to purchase more art supplies, I learned to paint only with primary colors; I covered canvas after canvas--or reclaimed wood when it was a choice between painting or eating--with saturated sentiment.  Canary yellow was the color of the dress you wore the day we met--and it harmonized perfectly with your straw colored hair--while cadmium red matched both your tempting scarlet lips and the fire I saw in your eyes.  But ultramarine blue didn't suit you, and I never once used it until the day God or Guilt or some Guy stole you from me.  Welcome to London    “I’ve been thinking about what we should do with our wealth now that we’re famous,” grunted the Little Pig, “and it seems to me that the housing market would be a particularly promising investment.”
     “There’s talk of it being another bubble, but I just haven’t seen any evidence of that,” squeaked the Blind Mouse.
    “Well,” bleated the Billy Goat Gruff, “if there is a housing bubble, I suppose we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.”

LullabyThe telephone chimed loudly from the kitchen, which succeeded in both jolting Matt from a slumber into which he had not realize that he had succumbed, along with activating the baby monitor which transmitted a long distressed wail that originated upstairs.  It wasn’t long after he answered the call with a groggy ‘hello’ that his body stiffened violently, his lungs suffocating from the dread that knotted in his chest.
He wasn’t sure which terrified him more: the fact his wife had been struck and killed at the intersection or the fact that he could hear her voice through the monitor singing his baby to sleep.
  First FlightI perched at the top of the sycamore just behind the house. It was the highest point I could get to, and at seven, I was steadily becoming aware of the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to climb up to these tiny branches much longer. This was going to be the last time I could see this far. Today had to be the day.
Mom and I lived outside the city, in the woods that nobody owned. Though far from our house, from this high in the tree, I could see the tops of the city walls built back when there was still a castle standing. That was before the war destroyed part of the wall and knocked down everything except one tower. That was what Mom said happened anyway.
Evening had set in, bathing everything a light pink. A little breeze was kicking around the area, occasionally rattling trees and the laundry still hanging on the line. On the ground below, some of the birds pecked at the feed our hens hadn’t eaten. They had been my focus for the past few days, though not to hunt like us
  Hey, BrotherThey may have been family, once. He brushed aside some more of the dust on the bones and frowned. He stood on a sun-drenched, dusty mountaintop, and in front of him were the ancient, fossilized bodies of many, many people in the pass. Dozens and dozens of them, crushed and broken by ancient, wicked weapons, some of which were still embedded in bone and skull.
"Arnold," a woman called, picking her way across the pass and past the handful of other researchers who kneeled over bodies and artifacts, taking photos. "I've got some results."
Arnold came to his feet and let out a long, slow breath. The expression on her face told him that their assumptions were being proven correct, one after the other. He wondered what kind of headlines a find like this would elicit. ANCIENT, ISOLATED RELATIVES OF HUMANS FOUGHT UNTIL EXTINCTION, SCIENTISTS SAY. He had to chuckle darkly knowing that that headline would be in bold print over stories describing the violence in the Congo and Mexico.
"Yes, Rita,"

Kiss of LifeThe last thing Frederick remembered was being overtaken by a wave after falling overboard from his ship. The press of lips against his brought him to full wakefulness, but the laws of gravity seemed to have been suspended. It took him a few groggy minutes to realize he was still underwater, mostly because that should have been impossible. There was air in his lungs. But swimming before him… a mermaid, a beautiful woman with a mother of pearl tail. Her red hair danced through the water like fire. And, unlike in the movies, she did not wear a clamshell bra.
Streams of sunlight danced around them. She kissed him again, a kiss of life which gave him the air he needed. The air filled him with energy to swim to the surface.
As he broke the water and breathed for himself, he found himself in paradise. Lush jungle surrounded the small lake. Petrichor still wafted through the air. Exotic birdcalls played musically. The water around him was brilliant blue, like a gem, and in the center
  An Excuse--- FFM Day 15 ChallengeThey tapped the game out, using her knees as their playing field:
“Rock,” they chanted, giggling as they did,  “paper, scissors-- SHOOT!”
 She kept her fingers curled in a tight fist; she claimed rock and he flattened his palm, claiming paper. It was the perfect excuse to cover her hand with his, and keep it there.
  FFM#15 [Challenge] -- Bad Dog“Officer, look, I’m very sorry about the thing down at the park, he’s usually so very well behaved. It’s just that he gets a little hot under the collar and things get out of hand, you know? And given his nature it’s really hard to reign him in, I mean, he can’t make up his own mind, how am I suppo—Cerb, no, put the nice man down!”

Hope you enjoy them as much as I did! :)


On Thanking

Please consider giving me a llama rather than thanking me if that's what you're here for (and know that if I haven't already given you one, I do reciprocate), but you're very welcome either way. :heart:

Feel free, also, to start up a random conversation!

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:iconjrwenzel:
jrwenzel Featured By Owner 1 hour ago  Professional Digital Artist
:iconthankyouforthellama:
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:iconuszatyarbuz:
UszatyArbuz Featured By Owner 21 hours ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav, have a wonderful day :sun:
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:icontherafflesia:
TheRafflesia Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you so much for the llama! :hug: Sorry for the late reply!
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:iconshane-zero:
Shane-zero Featured By Owner 1 day ago
thx for the lama :iconllamafaceplz:
plz check out my art too :iconkaminaplz:
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:iconjuliahasagun:
JuliaHasAGun Featured By Owner 1 day ago
Thanks for watching!Lily Thank you 
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:iconseth-ravenclaw:
seth-ravenclaw Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the llama~! :dummy:
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:iconlittleemolga:
LittleEmolga Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Student General Artist
Thanks so much for the llama <3
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:iconyannickdellapina:
YannickDellapina Featured By Owner 3 days ago
Thanks for the Llama!!!:) (Smile) 
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:iconthedewdropfairy:
TheDewdropFairy Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the llama :icontightllamahug:
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:iconkontinuierlich:
Kontinuierlich Featured By Owner 4 days ago  New member Hobbyist
Thanks for the fav! :happybounce:
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